[. You Might Find You .]

I should change my background some time.

I was going to post, and then read through my previous entry. Well, obviously I'm still posting.

I feel that itch of growth. Growing into the person I want to be, growing on this path I've chosen for whatever reasons, inherent or learned. It reminded me to stop and be thankful for my endeavours to attain serenity and contentment.

I meditate almost nightly now. I play Zamba the Big Fish Ukulele every night, and whenever I need a break from a hectic world that can drive my once-tranquil mind into an electron cloud of constant cluttered thoughts. I read children's books (Oh! The Places You'll Go, The Contented Little Pussy Cat, Love You Forever) every day. I don't eat out of anything but hunger, and watch my diet not to fit an unrealistic (for me) image of beauty, but for an authentic desire for health and happiness.

My panic has ebbed away. I can feel its grasp loosening. I can feel myself stepping away from it, back into light. It was panic of all these things that never came to be, because no matter what has gone wrong I have always dealt with them wielding whatever integrity and grace and compassion I can sum up. It has not let me down yet. Things are not as dark as my anxieties try to convince me.

Just idle thoughts on my current path, my pilgrim soul path. Pilgrim. Thanksgiving has come and gone, Solstice is well on its way. I will be in the arms of my family soon for nights warm indoors with love, admiring cool snowdrops pattering blanketed ground. New England--it will forever hold a piece of my heart.

The housemates are starting a corny horror film downstairs and I don't want to miss out, so I'm taking my laptop (it is still National Novel Writing Month!) and heading down to cook, watch and write.

Despite the turmoil of university work, lack of funding (forever), lack of romantic love (but not at all a dearth of Love) and fear of a future unknown...I feel at peace. Happy. Content in my itchy-growth skin.

Goodnight, all! Even if 'all' is just me. I will still be happy. :)

Love,
Kiwi & Zamba